Mr. Mayer in the Night
Finally I got my hands on the dvd ‘Any Given Thursday’. Which is, for you who don’t know it, a John Mayer live dvd. And I just watched the interview on the disc, it was really short, but he simply touchest something in me. He’s so straight forward, and so pure, he knows what he’s talking about, and really feel the songs which he’s playing. And he goes where ever his mind takes him, do you know what I mean. He gets an impulse, and without thinking about it goes for it. Something which Meisner talkes alot about too (I’m reading Mesiner’s ‘On acting’ at the moment).
I’m going to watch John Mayer live in concert soon here in Denmark, can’t wait now, after seing that interview! I just still hope he’s at a healthy place in his music and life.
I’m still up, even though I should be in bed, but do you know the nights where you just feel inspired? So I guess I’ll do something creative with my hands, while I’m listening to John Mayer, and forget about the time and that it’s late… Cause, you know; time doesn’t exist, clocks does, but not time. It’s a question of preference… Do you prefer it to be dark out, or light?
Tonight I like it dark… See you in the darkness!
All the best to you and yours
Lucas Alexander
Feel and consuming 'fake joy'
I feel like I don’t know myself anymore, what happened to that guy who was up and out and doing stuff? I feel like all my inspiration is gone, and I don’t know what to do to regain it… I still feel like there’s something that I’m missing, that I can’t see. I basically feel pathetic, and it’s like I don’t even care, which is terrifying. Cause I know I’m not suppose to feel like that, and I know that it is me who holds the power to get going, I just don’t know where to focus, or what tools to use.
I wanna find inspiration, wanna travel, go surfing. Can’t wait to put a sign on my door which reads ‘Gone Surfing’!
After I write this, I’m gonna do some push-ups, and sit-ups, then go shave, then hit the shower, and then take a long walk to clear my mind. I wish I lived near the ocean, then I would walk to the ocean, and gaze out beyond the horizon, listen to the waves crashing in.
Today I went down to buy a pizza, and while I was at it, I might as well buy some soda. My plan was to stay in and watch a film, so why not buy some candy too… I did buy all that, ate the pizza, drank half the soda and decided that was enough, I didn’t need that, it’s just propelling my self-pity even more, so I ate some of the candy untill I thought about why I was doing it, and then I spat out the two pieces, that was in my mouth, and the rest of the bag in the bin. Actually that was a little victory for me. Cause I can have a good time without candy and soda, I don’t need that ‘fake joy’!
Why do I keep forgetting how important it is for me to write… Now I already feel better just by writing this.
I keep my right to post short blogspost… 😉
All the best,
Lucas Alexander
Sidney Lee, bottles, and the monster inside of me
So, have had a bit of a long day already, but a good one!
It all started when I slammed the door with my keys inside. You know the kind when you realize that your keys are inside before the door is closed but you have no time to send the thought to your arm to stop it closing the door. Luckily my roommate slept at his girlfriends place and it’s not far away. So it just resulted in a bit of stressfull morning. I managed though.
An old college had asked me to help them out with an exams project they’re doing, he’s studying ‘Film and Media’. So I had the day of to do that. The deal was for me to play a danish guy called ‘Sidney Lee’ who’s a kind of phenomenon in little Denmark, he’s famous for being famous… I know, doesn’t make sense, let me just say that I’m glad I don’t own a television. Back on track; the project was a ‘fictional dummy’ for a television show, kind of a make-over show. It was great fun and we just improvised a lot, which went really well.
After that I had a few errands that I had to run. Can’t remember if I mentioned this, but my brother and a friend of ours and me, are making this fight scene this saturday. Not for anything particular, just because we thought it would be funny to try… So the errands included picking up fake blood (the kind you can have internal too) and fetching ‘stunt bottles’ to break on each others heads. And just to invest in these objects made me really thrilled, it feels good to just do what you want and post some money in it to make it look cool. So I’m really psyched to this coming saturday when we’re shooting it!
My brother and I shot a little bit of ‘storyboard’, just to get an idea of what we’re doing and some feeling of where we’re headed!
Tomorrow I’m going to the premiere for a film I did with some of my old colleges. It’s showing in the biggest cinema in Scandinavia. It’s the cinema where I used to work, and the colleges are from that job, so that’s why we can show it there, but it’s gonna be really cool, I think with champagne and all that jazz… I already saw it, and I’m satisfied with the result, looking forward to hear what people think, and I invited over a dozen people, so that’s making me a bit nervous.
I think it’s the first film I did where I really researched the character, and I’m playing a monster, so t was a really interesting research. I went out in the woods in the middle of the night, armed only with a flashlight, looking for this monster. And I must say that even though my logical sense tells me that nothing is going to happen, the worst thing I could run into is a guy walking his Shih Tzu, then I had this really ancient fear in my stomach, quess it originated way back when we lived in the woods and actually could get slaughtered and eaten by a sabertooth tiger. But I tried to really analyze this fear and instead of being afraid, then simply become the fear, and become the creature that the forest should fear.
It was a really interesting process, and some days after that my girlfriend asked me why I did this when it was just a very little production. I thought about this, cause I could see her point, but got to this conclusin: First of all, it’s so much fun when you really work for it, and especially with a role like this. Second, if I didn’t research and really put an effort in this production, how would I know when to do so… You get my drift? If I really want this, I have to be the best at my game, even if people doesn’t see it. Cause if I faked it till I made it, I don’t think I would make it. Cause acting is not acting, it’s about being true in fictional circumstances, and being there mentally and psychically. Like Sanford Meisner said; “Acting is the ability to live truthfully under imaginary circumstances.” (When I get a cat, he’ll be named Meisner…) To recap; I really thank my girlfriend for asking me that question, cause it made me realize all this…!
Wow, I’m so glad to be able to share all this, and thank you for listening!
All the best to you and yours,
Lucas Alexander
Bonus: Another video I made, basically from various clips recorded on my iPhone. I think, if you don’t know me, you’ll get a pretty good image of who ‘me’ is… It’s called ‘Egg on bread with avocado’. Enjoi!
[UPLOAD YOUTUBE VIDEO HERE]
The School, The wall and Robin Williams
I just read the quote from ‘Good Will Hunting’ where they’re sitting on the bench, and Robin Williams’s character, ‘Sean’ tells ‘Will’ what he thought about after ‘Will’ told him what he ‘saw’ in the paiting Sean has in his office. I’m not sure what touches me, but that whole film, and especially that scene, really moves me. Robin Williams has this extraordinary way of being so honest and vulnerable. When I see a scene like that I’m thinking that I have some way still, to reach that point, to be able to take my feelings and get them out in the open on command like that. I need more technique.
Oh, by the way… I didn’t get a call back from the school.
That sounds a bit ‘devil may care’ when I sling it out like that and I guess that’s cause I don’t know how to feel about it. Of course I feel a bit down, cause I really wanna attend this school, on the other hand I had planned to take classes there if I didn’t get in, so now I just became a member which means I get a discount on workshops and get in free to lecturs and stuff. And of course I will still act, cause I love it, love to find places in myself I hadn’t seen before, and I now I need to dig deeper. Maybe I will just take a short pause from acting and do whatever I feel like, still take acting courses though.
Me and my buddies are looking for a ‘creative-room’ where we can make art in every form imaginable. This I am really exited about, cause it’s been so long since I’ve painted and been creative, so to have our own room where there’s space to do whatever we like is really turning me on!
I feel like I’m standing in front of a wall and I haven’t gotten the tools to climb it neither to blow it to pieces. This is really frustrating as you could imagine. And now I see that there might be some weight that are pulling me down so I can’t climb this wall, and I wanna let go, I just don’t know what to let go of! I need to get things done, instead of doing nothing. Today I actually managed to get a lot of things done. I had them writting down and didn’t stop with the list before it all was crossed out. And it work. I guess I’m a list man (The List Man..? nah…)
Me and Anna returned this friday from a week in Barcelona. We had a really great time, saw a lot in a really short time. And I got my birthday present from Anna, which was a trip out of the city and to hours on horseback with a guide. So great to ride again, I felt sometimes like a cowboy (I just watched Once Upon A Time In The West before we left to Barcelona) and sometimes like Aragorn from The Lord of The Rings. A great feeling.
We rented a scooter too, just for 24 hours, sp much fun to zigzag through the cars on that thing!
A great trip all in all, and with a wonderful girl by my side, could you ask for more?
That was all for now, I will leave you with a film I made, I think it’s from last summer. After that there’s the quote I talked about from ‘Good Will Hunting’.
My love to you and yours,
Lucas Alexander
[UPLOAD YOUTUBE VIDEO HERE]
Sean: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me… fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven’t thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?
Will: No.
Sean: You’re just a kid, you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talkin’ about.
Will: Why thank you.
Sean: It’s all right. You’ve never been out of Boston.
Will: Nope.
Sean: So if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You’re a tough kid. And I’d ask you about war, you’d probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, “once more unto the breach dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms “visiting hours” don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, ’cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you… I don’t see an intelligent, confident man… I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you’re a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You’re an orphan right?
[Will nods]
Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally… I don’t give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that do you sport? You’re terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.
Monster in the open
I feel the life force run through my veins now, and I now know for a fact that I can accoplished everything that I put my mind to.
And I feel like dancing, don’t know if I’ll get around to that tonight, so I’ve been dancing a bit at home. And I had a good day today at the job. For you who don’t know; I’m a substitute teacher at a local public school here in Copenhagen. A job which I’m enjoying, I just don’t know how much the kids are learning when I’m teaching them, but I’m just having fun with them, really enjoying making them laugh.
I’m having my birthday this sunday, I’m really looking forward to it, it’s the first time, in a couple of years, that I’m celebrating my own birthday, which my mom always have said is important to do. And she’s right, cause when I didn’t I wasn’t that excited and now I almost feel like I’m five again. Next year I’m turning 25, damn are we gonna have a big PARTY!
I’m still rehearsing for this audition the 27. and even though I really wanna get in to this school I’m a bit lazy… Why is it that I’m not getting up and rehearsing more (you can never rehearse to much, I say) and write the background for the character and so on and so on… Am I afraid of what will happen if I actually get into this school? Or what is it… The fact that I’m writing about it now puts it out in the open, and monsters die in the open…!
If I wanna be a good actor I have to put in a great deal of work (well dahhhh…) so get to it, buddy!
I just finished the last episode of ‘Glee’, well, the last of the ones that have been aired and even though I’m not that fond of telling you guys this; I think it’s a great series. And I, who usually hate everything that has the slightest odor of musicals where people break out singing for no reason, find it entertaining. The numbers they do are clearly playback, clearly. And the teacher in this ‘Glee Club’ can be a bit annoying, but I can’t help but relate to these youngsters…
This is me, being as honest as I possibly can, singing off…
All the best,
Lucas Alexander